Nicole Scherzinger revealed her innermost demons and struggles to find success and self-love on VH1’s “Behind the Music,” which aired last night.

In 2001, the Hawaii native auditioned for the teen television show “Popstars,” which led to her landing a spot in girl group Eden’s Crush. She then auditioned for possibly her most famous role, as frontwoman for the all-girl pop group the Pussycat Dolls. Despite yearning for a chance as a solo singer (She even turned down a spot in the Black Eyed Peas at one point), Nicole took the PCD gig in hopes it would open solo opportunities down the line. She was right. The gorgeous singer and dancer quickly became the sultry group’s star, much to the chagrin of the other members. Multi-platinum success and worldwide fans soon followed as songs like “Don’t Cha” and “Buttons” scorched the charts.

Under that happy smile, Nicole hid a deep secret of insecurity and self-loathing. For the first time, she shared with “Behind the Music” that she had suffered with bulimia for years. “I just hated myself. I was in a group but I never felt so alone in my life,” she said. “I never did drugs, but hurting myself was my addiction. The music is what saved me. That’s the only thing I can trust.”

Nicole’s health issues coupled with turmoil within the Pussycat Dolls led to the eventual collapse of the group. When 2009’s “Jai Ho!” was released, with Nicole receiving a separate billing than the rest of the Dolls, the remainder of the members quit the group. Nicole revealed that she was always the leader of PCD. In fact, she claimed “95%” of the PCD catalogue was performed by her and there were even full albums completed without the rest of the group involved.

After all of the drama, Nicole has finally found the success she always wanted. Her 2011 solo debut Killer Love marked a personal milestone for her and she has also branched out into other areas of entertainment like “Dancing With the Stars” and “The X Factor.” Her personal life has never been better either. Nicole has since found her prince charming in race car driver Lewis Hamilton and is truly living her fairy tale.

Watch the full episode of “Behind the Music” below.